Off To College and Finding JOY!

We are back!!!

It has been a year since we released a new episode. This past year was busy and I wanted to focus my time and be 100% present with my family and for my daughter who was as high school senior last year.

She is heading to college now, this weekend, and I had to ask other parents, How do you find JOY as your child prepares and leaves for college?

I received wonderful ideas and thoughts. Take a listen and enjoy what you hear!  I know you can find value in this whether you have already sent kids out on their own after high school or you will be in the future.

I would love to hear your thoughts so email me or message me on IG or FB and tell me how you find JOY during this time.

And PLEASE, share this episode with one person you know would find value.

Thanks for listening!

Lauren's Book, My Dad Died From ALS and How I Found Joy 30 Years Later
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B2J15M3Z

CONNECT WITH LAUREN AND HER FAMILY

Email: rebalancedbody@gmail.com
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Transcript

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00:01
free audio post-production by alphonic.com

00:15
Hello and welcome to Navigating Joy Together. My name is Lauren and I'm here with my family.  Mark.  Addison.  Hunter and our dog Onix.  Each episode you will hear about our experiences with Navigating Joy Together in our family as well as tips you can bring back to your family.  Thanks for spending time with us.  Now let's get to it.

00:49
Hello and welcome back to Navigating Joy Together. This is my first episode in a year.  I obviously have been a little checked out. Life has been super busy. I've been focusing on so many other things, really trying to be 100 % present for my children as this past year was my daughter's final year of high school, my son's first year of high school, and I really just did not want to miss out on anything. I didn't want to look back and have any regrets.

01:18
With all that being said, I did not do any episodes, but here I am.  And the reason why I am jumping on now is we have a huge change in our life happening in just a few days. This coming weekend, we are bringing our daughter to college and she's our first going to college and we have so much different emotion going on. And it's really hard to navigate that this time of life is happening.

01:48
I go back so many times of when she was little and being little kids and I miss every stage and I've loved every stage that she's been at. And now it's trying to figure out how do you find the joy while your child is preparing for college? Of course, it's exciting and wonderful, but for me, it's very, very heartbreaking, which I assume is like that for many parents. So I decided to put the question out on Facebook and kind of see what kind of answers I got. So here was my question.

02:18
How do you find joy as your child is preparing and leaves for college? I loved all the answers and so I'm just gonna read through all of them that I received and they really helped me reflect and think about where I am with my emotions and where I am in my time of life and so forth. So here's the first comment I received. It's definitely not easy, but now having experienced it twice, it's amazing to see the growth and joy that they have as they go off to do what they want to do.

02:46
It's pretty amazing. It's hard not to have them in the house every day, but it gets easier.  When they no longer come home for regular breaks, like Christmas, spring break, et cetera, will be the next biggest hurdle.  That's kind of what I've been thinking about as I look at my daughter the last several weeks and I'm looking at her thinking, oh my gosh, soon she's not gonna be here. I'm not gonna see her every day. And I think that's gonna be really hard and weird not having her in the house every day. I think it'll be a little bit of a transition. She's traveled a little bit.

03:14
And so we have been used to her being gone. It's not like she hasn't been around, but I figured after a couple of weeks, then it'll really hit us like, oh my gosh, she really is not coming back until November. When they eventually don't come home at all, like they might stay out for summers or after college, they move somewhere else, that is gonna be another big hurdle. The next comment. I focused on the excitement they had for the next stage of their lives while reassuring myself.

03:40
I and my village did the best we could to give them the tools to succeed,  appreciating and being excited for this step just as much as their first step they took with still a few tears mingle in.  I've heard that a lot. I've heard a lot of people say, you know what, we've done the best we can to prepare them and now it's their turn to go out and do what they can with it. And hopefully they succeed in so many ways.

04:07
they're gonna fail and they're gonna learn from that. But I do love that and really just remembering that did the best that we you know we did. So thank you for that comment. Okay another comment. Same as above comments participate in the excitement. I love that. They are nervous so reassuring support and prep can be fun and contribute to the excitement. Find joy in the preparation process. Start early so it's not frantic.

04:32
That's so timely. mean, gosh, this week we have to start preparing and of course we've been buying some stuff. So I love that, finding joy in the preparation process. And that's what I'm gonna remember when we are packing up this week. Okay, another comment, helping them get ready to go and just knowing they are off doing amazing things in this life. I love watching the journey, celebrating them so they know you are excited for them. That's so important. That one.

05:00
is great as well.  mean, not only just watching the journey and knowing that there's gonna be amazing things happening, just celebrating with them, be excited with them, right? Instead of being a little sad baby like I feel like I've been. I mean, I'm not walking around sad around her, but internally,  I definitely feel that way.  So I just need to remember to just be excited and celebrate with them, which I am. I have to get out of my own emotions. Okay, here's another one.

05:29
While my daughter didn't move to go to college after graduating last year, she did decide to move out of state and see if she was a beach girl. I had many mixed emotions, but kept them mostly hidden from her while telling her that was a great idea, helped her save money and figure out her cost of living in advance.  Of course, I am proud of her for going out and following her heart. The problem was my heart was breaking at the same time because I just love her so much and miss her daily. But we talk every day. We get to go visit her at the beach quite often.

05:58
and helped her through many ups and downs while she figures out how to life in quotation marks.  Her twin sister is about to take off for four months of training in Europe and that's when I might really fall apart but would never hold them back. It's my problem, not theirs. Needing to sort out this new identity after being so focused on children and the poof, they're gone, isn't for the week.  That's huge. Oh my gosh, right? So it doesn't matter if our kids are going to college or not. They just might be moving on with their life and

06:28
We don't want to hold back our children and I appreciate when this person says it's my problem not theirs and that's exactly right. Like this is my problem that I'm being totally a baby on the inside about her leaving for college and not wanting her to go and not being able to see her every single day. It's definitely not her problem and this is something that she should be doing right? And they should be doing their next steps in life. So thanks for that.  Okay.

06:53
Another one, very timely question as I just went through this with my oldest last year and I'm now preparing to celebrate my youngest graduating this year. As we approach the second and final time around, I don't imagine it will get any easier. What has changed though is my perspective. Having experienced it once before, I've had the chance to practice the art of letting go.

07:14
Where I find the greatest joy is in celebrating the individuals they are choosing to become. They aren't perfect, nor do they need to be, but they're ready. There's peace in knowing we did our job, and now it's their time to step into the world.  Our children have always been my greatest passion, beyond finding the best person to partner with. And throughout the years, my husband and I have been intentional about nurturing our relationship alongside raising our family. As the season changes, we continue to grow and evolve together.

07:40
At the same time, I've been intentionally investing in the parts of myself I've always hoped to develop. Discovering my writing voice and exploring other creative outlets has been a beautiful way of reconnecting with myself.  Looking back, it's almost as though I've been preparing for this chapter over the last decade,  quietly cultivating joy through storytelling and creativity so that when this moment arrived, I would be ready for it too. I hope this helps with your content. It's exciting to see others creating space for conversations like this during such a meaningful season of our lives.

08:09
What a powerful, powerful comment. And I love the perspective of getting ready to send the second one off and so many important things, celebrating them as individuals. And of course they're not perfect. And again,  there's that idea of, you know what, let's be in peace knowing that we did our job and this is the time that they have now to show what they've learned and partake in life more independently.  And I can...

08:38
I with Greatest Passion. I've put all my time and energy into our family because I keep looking back saying, or I keep telling myself, I'm not going to have regrets. I'm not going to look back and be like, I should have done this more. I should have attended this event. I should have helped or volunteered here. And I'm a little nervous about how that's going to change with one child. I still, with one child at home, I'll still have all this time put into what he's doing and whatever I can to support my daughter at college.

09:08
but I'm sure I'll have some more time for myself. So now it's figuring out, oh my gosh, how do I use that time?  Right? What do I do now? So I appreciate this comment about what you do for yourself and starting to discover things for yourself and preparing for your next chapter, you know, when both kids are gone. And of course, incorporating your partner.

09:32
as well, right? Kind of redefining that relationship and maybe refinding each other without children involved. So thank you for that. Another one, like most parents, I was anxious, nervous, worried, and excited for him all wrapped up in one. One thing that helped me feel better was when someone told me the alternative to him leaving was that he couldn't a job, no future, and he could be living in my basement. Ever since I heard that, I was good. I love that.

10:02
That is hilarious, right? I always joke saying I want my kids to live with me forever, but of course I don't. I mean, kind of, but not really. It's not healthy for them. It wouldn't be healthy for me either, right? For me or Mark.  but that's hilarious, right? And I think my husband kind of thinks that too. Once they leave for college, they're done. They're not coming back. And I think he obviously jokes about that, but it's funny. So thanks for that. That's hilarious.

10:29
Okay, this is another good one. My 19 year old is home for a few weeks before leaving for good after a short stint away scoping out a new place. This is the fourth time I've been through this and it doesn't get easier. I do enjoy helping him work through his get ready to go list. I am printing him a family cookbook like I did for the other adult children, sending in his homeschool completion paperwork, making a dental appointment for him, having good talks over dinner, going through and sorting his stuff, looking through old photos.

10:57
really trying to savor the time we have left with him at home. Because I have good adult relationships with his siblings, I know that though this is the end of his childhood, it is also the beginning of a new kind of parent-child friendship. This week my oldest turns 25 and my married daughter and her husband are flying in. We will all eight be together for a couple of days. And I will really enjoy making these memories because it is increasingly rare to be in the same place at the same time. I still feel nostalgic about my kids'  childhoods and I will grieve.

11:25
the fourth going away, but I choose to dwell on what we did well and how exciting this time is for him. And I will fill my time with other things I love to do. Okay, I love that one. These are all bringing me to tears.  This one has so many important nuggets as well. I love the part about making memories, you know, making more memories because they're different memories, right? A different time of life. And I think that's so important, right? Making more memories.

11:55
with your children who are now adults. I think the thing that really kind of tears my heart apart is that you don't get together with them as much anymore, right? So, and we're a little ways out from that because we still have a 15 year old and I expect our daughter to be, you know, coming home for the first couple of years, obviously during breaks and so forth, but that, you know, that might end. The other thing I love is a new kind of parent-child friendship and relationship. And I've heard people say that when their kids are adults, they

12:25
love, love that time together and that those relationships.  They love creating those adult relationships.  But the one thing she said too is that she's very nostalgic about her kids' childhoods. And that's how I feel.  If I could turn back time, I would put them back in at like three or four again and go through it all again. I know some people think I'm probably crazy about that, but I would totally do it if I can get another, you know, 12 years. But I can't.

12:54
Okay, so moving on, here's another comment I got from a friend and I love her perspective as well. She said, I was excited for him to learn how to soft launch being an adult. Imagine if he stayed home or did not go to college, right? He wouldn't have that opportunity. It's important to have baby steps. So when I say a soft launch, we're still supporting our son and we're still paying for some things, but

13:21
you know, he's still also on his own. So he has to learn how to have new study habits, learn how to adopt a new schedule and routine,  obviously balance fun and school and his sport and all of that stuff, which is kind of like, you know, a soft launch of being an adult. Also, she had mentioned that it's an interesting time to learn how to semi-adult because we're helping him so much. But what she really loved seeing was him blossoming and becoming

13:50
the adult that he's potentially going to be. The other thing she loved was it was really cool to see him light up about new learning.  Right. So he all of a was taking classes that maybe he didn't think he would like and all of a sudden he was super interested. So just the flourishing of the new learning and things he didn't anticipate enjoying meeting new people from across the country and all the other experiences.  And her final thought was, I just love knowing that he's going to be growing and blossoming. Thank you for that.

14:20
Heather,  that's so helpful too. And yeah, it is. It's, I love the soft launch, right? The semi-adulting soft launch of being an adult because it is kind of that such a great perspective. And I do get excited thinking how exciting it's going to be for our daughter to try new things, you know, look at new classes or interests and really figure out if there's something that she's interested in or becomes interested in that.

14:49
you know, she never would have thought she would be. So that piece is exciting as well. And here's the last comment I'm going to share. really feel like there is an art to being present and it takes a lot of focused effort. And it is something I worked really hard on with my first child that entire year, really honing in on taking every opportunity to be with him,  celebrate him and just put all my energy toward him. Knowing that would be in my head space for the whole entire school year, which was his senior year.

15:17
It really brought everything home and brought alignment and settled my nervous system.  What a great strategy to use, really making sure that that year is spent with that child and celebrating that child. I love that, celebrating that child, right? This is their last year of high school and it's such an important time, an important year for our children when they're in that space.  So celebrating them and really being present, think that's really, really important.

15:47
I really loved hearing everybody's perspective. So if you are somebody who contributed to this, I really, really appreciate it. It's been very helpful. It's allowed me to look at this whole new experience very differently and really continuing to find the joy in the situation, even though my heart's breaking a little bit, but I think that's normal and it is okay because this is what our children are supposed to do.

16:14
after high school, they're supposed to move on to something,  right? So thank you, thank you again. I was gonna add a conversation I had with three friends onto this episode, but it's gonna be too long, so I'm gonna put that out on the next episode. Plus I have to figure out the volume, because it's really hard to hear. If you have thoughts on this topic, I would love to hear them. So please email me at rebalancedbody.com.

16:42
at gmail.com or you can find me on Facebook, Lauren Goldman Raymond or Instagram, Lauren's Daily Joy. I would love to hear more thoughts and ideas as I continue down this road or as we continue down this road in this new beginning for our family. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen. It's so fun being back and doing this. And my goal is to be very consistent and get more out. And I think I'm just going to focus on our

17:12
first year without our daughter around and how we navigate joy in that realm. Thanks again and I am out of here. Did you enjoy your time with us today? If you did, please give us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your review will make navigating joy together much more fun and we would be truly grateful if you would share this with others who you know would gain value from our podcast.

17:38
Thank you again and we look forward to sharing our next episode with you in two weeks.

18:32
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