Dinner Dialogues: Notification Distractions and Screen Time Amount

This episode was recorded right before the holidays. I found an interesting article in the AARP magazine that talked about memory and steps on how to improve your memory. Even though AARP is for "old" people there were some great pieces of information about the distractions that notifications play in our lives. Every time our phones beep, we pick up the phone immediately and it derails our brain from the task we were focused on. It actually takes some time for use to refocus.  

I have learned that coming to the table with data and research is much better than dictating something without any back ups. So instead of saying..."Your phone is not allowed to be with you during homework." I have learned that bringing in the research as to why phones should not be close when doing homework. That is why I shared this article.   This brings in a conversation of multitasking and the impossibility of it even though we think we can do it. Do you think you can muli-task?

We then move to our screen time check. It is pretty funny to hear where we are all at what our goals are.  If we do not check our screen time numbers than we do not know how much time we spend on our screens and it is actually very eye-opening.  It is MUCH MORE than you expect!!  

I challenge you to look at your screen time each week.  

Our dinner dialogues are fun and make me laugh often.

Please share this episode with ONE person you know who will LOVE it and gain value.  Our goal is to show others that all families can NAVIGATE JOY TOGETHER.

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Lauren's Book, My Dad Died From ALS and How I Found Joy 30 Years Later
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B2J15M3Z

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Transcript

*AI Transcribed*

00:01
Free audio post-production by alphonic.com

00:15
Hello and welcome to Navigating Joy Together. My name is Lauren and I'm here with my family. Mark. Addison. Hunter and our dog Onyx. Each episode you will hear about our experiences with navigating joy together in our family, as well as tips you can bring back to your family. Thanks for spending time with us. Now let's get to it.

00:48
Hello everybody and welcome back to Navigating Joy Together. Before we get to this week's episode, I just wanted to give you a couple of reminders. If you are looking for a research based strategy to encourage meaningful conversations with your children, I want you to check out Drive-A-Log. The mission of Drive-A-Log is to provide a vehicle for families across the country to have meaningful and brave conversations. You can order these decks of cards online.

01:13
and they come in different grade levels. There's one for grades two through five, six through eight, nine through 12. And the benefits of these, kids are more likely to have honest conversations when they're not forced to have direct eye contact. You can make this a day-to-day conversation that's easier and provides a higher percent that your kids will talk to you when they are having challenges.

01:38
The cards have questions about real life things that kids deal with, and sometimes those things are very difficult for parents to ask and start a conversation. They also build connection and they are engaging and that conversation is proactive and they're definitely age appropriate. So you just decide which deck you want. Go ahead and look on the show notes. The link is in the show notes and you can get your set of cards today. We love them.

02:08
We've used them and it's just created wonderful conversations while we were driving. You can also get a 20% discount if you put in NJT in the coupon code box. I'd love to hear what your thoughts are about them and how it works for you. The other thing I wanted to just remind you, if you haven't checked out my book that I wrote, it's on Amazon. It's a memoir called My Dad.

02:33
died of ALS and how I found Joy 30 years later. And it's just my story about my dad being diagnosed with ALS when I was in eighth grade and the four years that followed up until his death and even how life transpired since his death, which has been over 30 years. It's affected me in many ways. And one thing I did learn.

02:54
is that we can still find joy in suffering and in grief. And it took me a while to really find that true joy. And I talk about that in the book. So go and get it, share it with one person, just one person you know who might be struggling with something or has a family member who may have an illness or a terminal illness. There is some value in there. And I would love and be grateful if you...

03:18
checked it out and you shared it with one person. I know that it will impact other people and give them some hope. The link to the book you can also find in the show notes as well. All right, now we will head over to this week's episode. So welcome to another, welcome to our dinner table talk. I have a couple things I wanna share. Family meeting time.

03:48
Anyone that's been calling family meetings anyways? What do I make a family meeting about? You don't? Hey guys! A few things. I read something really interesting I wanted to share. Oh my gosh. No, this is really fascinating! So I was reading our ARP magazine, because dad and I get this ARP magazine. This is for old people, this ARP magazine. Do you remember when I would color and put makeup on them? Yeah. Anyways.

04:17
There's really good articles in here, actually. Was there another magazine? Yes! There was a really good magazine that had really good articles. I do miss reading that one. Anyways, we're not going to talk about that one right now. Um, so this is about memory stuff. And actually the article is really for older people who, this is called six memory boosters. So most of it is like for older people that might be forgetting things, but I thought there's, there's something.

04:46
really relevant for all of us. Because I experienced this and I know every single, I know you guys experienced it. It's called Become a Monotasker. What does that mean, Mark? One task at a time. Yeah, because everyone says I can multitask. What is your feeling about multitasking, Mark? Can't be done. Why? It's impossible, because that's not how the brain works. I can multitask. No, I can promise you. Can you show me? I can do two things all at once. What two things do you do at once? I can watch a show and clean my room.

05:14
Oh, that's a load of crap. You've never been proven that you can clean your room now. Nevermind a show. Um, I can't, I can do that. You have to have OCD. Well, it might take like an hour, but that's cause I like take breaks. Do you ever stop and rewind something that you miss? Cause you're cleaning your room. That's the way I leave the room, but I barely leave the room. Oh, you know, you know, every morning when I'm getting ready, I have my show on in the background. What?

05:43
Why do we have TV on in the morning? This is why you hang out in your bedroom when it's with the door closed In the morning. Yeah, I'm getting ready. I'm doing mine. Why do we have TV on in the morning? I'm doing your run Addison. We need to get rid of the projector Where you put your show on then? I bet It's not gonna happen this week I finals

06:08
If anything, I'll be listening. This is why you hang out for an hour downstairs and you don't hang out with us anymore because you're watching a show while you're getting ready. No, because I don't have the time. Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay, I have to do my multitasking. Okay, what do you need? You need to write my name is Hunter as you count to 10. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

06:38
Eight, nine, ten. Okay, now, oh, I'm just having a... Well, it's really scary. Doing that? There's a computer right there. How the brain works and how the neurons fire. You're able to focus on one task at a time. Oh, I just... So if someone is on, if you're on the phone, oh, here's a great example. You're on the phone talking to so-and-so and trying to type an email.

07:08
Which one is gonna be more accurate? Phone call, email? Both. No, because you know what? Sorry, Mom, but when I talk to your grandmother, my mother sometimes at work, and I'm trying to do emails too, she'll say something and I don't know what, my focus is typing on the email, I have to say what? So you can't, I've never been able to do both. I just focus 100. I just proved to Mom, it's not possible. I just did it.

07:38
How quick.

07:41
So we'll have to extend it like next time we'll call you on the phone while you have to type an email and let's see what you do. So this goes to exactly this little excerpt is perfect and dad just explained it really well. It says, become a monotasker. Thanks to modern technology, you can chat on the phone as you play a word game, check the likes of your Facebook post and dismiss the weather alert warning of incoming rain. But any interruption of a conversation or a task

08:09
creates another event boundary. So an event boundary explained earlier was like, if I am in the bedroom and I come into the kitchen, that's a new event boundary in my brain because now I'm in a different room with different things around me, okay? Every minute you shift back and forth between two tasks, there's a lag as your brain reorients.

08:34
I'm just giving a couple of things. You need to remember where you were before you were distracted and it takes cognitive effort to resume the original task. Even micro interruptions you think you're ignoring, like a text that's barely popped up before you swipe it away, are disruptive for that fraction of a second. Your attention is captured and interruptions have cognitive costs. Even if you don't check the text message, you've already lost the battle. Turn off. This is my favorite part.

09:04
Especially when we're talking about studying and homework. Oh no. Oh my God. Turn off all notifications and alerts except those deemed absolutely essential and practice focusing on one task at a time, blocking out time chunks for checking email or social media. If tech addiction makes monotasking feel impossible, try an app blocker called Cold Turkey or Freedun.

09:33
you dictate which sites to block and for how long the app blocker does the dirty work for you. So don't worry about the app. But I was thinking when I read that, like, and just honest question, I'm not judging, but like your phone's with you when you study. And when it dings, like something comes through, do you pick it up? Yes, sometimes. But actually, I have been good and I do leave my phone somewhere else. That's really good because I was going to talk about it because I am at work and when I am planning or something and my phone dings, I pick it up. So it's a complete distraction. And you know what I did do?

10:02
Like three weeks ago, I offloaded Instagram for the entire week. Nice, rocking. And so I wanted to have that discussion because honestly I haven't really paid attention and then I was just curious. So I'm glad to hear that and I think it'd be.

10:19
That's going to make noise and I cannot stop playing with that pepper. He's playing with the pepper. So any extra background noise you hear in these episodes is from Hunter because he fidgets and he always has to do something. I guess he's like me. Anyways, so I think it'd be a really good idea, especially as you're studying for finals and you have a test on Tuesday just to make sure maybe you put it in a different spot.

10:44
And then you take breaks, right? And then you can go back to it. So I need to do that. Like I'm going to probably start putting my phone on airplane mode in my classroom. For me it's finals. When I'm alone doing planning. There are both. You know, I saw this video on this guide that tells you like how to like study and do stuff like in ways that like helps you. Oh yeah? I'll find it later. Okay. That's pretty cool. Okay. Anyways, that was that piece. Any questions on that one? No.

11:13
Oh, there's more? I thought that was fascinating. Isn't it fascinating? Okay. So we're all good. We can all kind of work on that. I'm gonna do that at work. I'll report back. Okay. So when you're setting. Yeah, I do. I kind of thought it would be a good, we haven't done this in a long time. Just be curious for anybody who wanted to be interested in checking their weekly screen time. Oh, speaking of- I'm happy to share mine and it's terrible last week. Speaking of that, I opened my phone this morning and I saw the screen time tab open.

11:44
Yeah, I wonder who did that. I'm your parent. I can look. I see that every day. I don't do it. I don't do it every day. But I do want to know why you had five hours of screen time on Wednesday. I don't know what was on Wednesday. Well, you were at school and then.

12:04
You interviewed grandma and stuff, so I'm just curious how there was five. I just thought that was kind of interesting. It was like a, woo, woo, woo, when I saw it. But didn't we go out to the ranch Wednesday? You guys did. You know, I was late, wasn't it? No, we went early. I don't know. He didn't go. He was doing Pasell's. You two went. Yeah, then I went. I went in the afternoon. Hunter went and stayed the night.

12:33
Oh, Wednesday night. Tuesday night we both stay. Yeah, okay. Are you coming, Hunter? I can't, I can't. In case it doesn't show up, I did snap a picture of everyone's screen time, including mine. I didn't get yours. Oh. Because it changes. Oh. Bye. Me too. I'm always giving a bully, but I guarantee you she will always have more screen.

13:02
I've been checking. I'm not bullying you. You guys are actually pretty close around the same time, amount of time. So I will tell you, I'm pretty sure when we made those goals, mine was two to four hours, possibly. All right, I'm gonna share mine. I'm not proud of mine. Mine's terrible. Addison. So there's what? Oh, hold on. I'm just gonna say, I do have, I think I have a little bit. It's what you're doing? Yeah. Mom, I think I do have a little bit today because I did a lot of Spotify, but that wasn't me looking at the screen.

13:32
I did watch the football. About that, I don't know. Every time I'm in the car and listening to Spotify, that's on the way to school, on the way to work, on the way home from school. Totally fair. I get that. Dad's 36 percent down from last week. Last week, his biggest day was three. Some of this probably work. 12 long messages. Well, because that's all he does at work is. He's an hour and 12 minutes on message. That's what I do.

14:01
99% of my communication is messages. So Addison's last week says she's down 32%. Her average is four and a half hours, but Tuesday was a really high day. It was definitely past the four and a half hour loop. One? Tuesday. Mine. Mine was- You have a picture of Mike? Mine was down 20% from last week, but my average is really bad. That's seven hours.

14:33
I'm not even yelling at you. I'm not. That's why I'm bringing it up. It's not just for you guys, it's for me. And look at, mostly for you, are you kidding me? Thursday, Friday, Saturday, really low. It's Sunday, what was I doing? Sunday. Hunter's average, it doesn't say what you were down from or up, but Hunter's average is three hours, 11 minutes last week, and Wednesday, the bar is all the way to the top. Look at that, it's like way up there. No, because I don't have a massive screen.

15:03
That was only like... Dad, I think you and me are the ones who... Bro! I said average was bigger than mine! And Hal, you're always downstairs. Hm?

15:20
I think it's good to look because it makes you aware. His parents, I think it's fair for us to look, but I'm like, I'm glad I'm looking because that's ridiculous. I don't wanna be- Oh, there's one person at this table that failed me. I don't wanna be, I did. I don't wanna be on my phone like that. That's ridiculous. And most of it's whatever, tapping and there's a lot of messages. And then there's, I don't even know if I did Spotify on any of those days. You know what one of my favorite things in the world is? Data.

15:46
You're funny. How many times in the past two weeks has anyone at this table? Raise your hand. If you heard one, you're screaming your phone. I don't roar like that. Mon had an hour and 26 minutes on Amazon. Oh yeah, it's holiday season. So an hour on 49 minutes on messages and an hour on seven minutes on your phone, like just a poem.

16:12
Okay, that's the one thing though about messages is I really have barely texted anybody today. So how am I an hour and 49 minutes on messages? I will honestly I really only texted. Let's go back and see how many people I texted him a couple times. I just want to go for him once or twice. Me once. Once. I don't text anybody else today. I just want to go like around and say this like for Edward. I think it lies because below here.

16:41
It says everything you've had screen time in. And if you add it up, this is you had eight hours today. If you add up your shopping, that's two hours and 15 socials, two hours a month, but entertainment's five. What four hours in 26 minutes. There's no way you have. Oh, well at City Market, I use it a lot because I do coupons and stuff. Oh yeah. But I'm like spending for almost eight hours today.

17:11
Mom, literally, go through every, this is everything you were on today. What does it say I was on? If you add everything up, it's not going to be eight hours. What does it say I was on today? Mom, I think you have a chance when your phone is just like on. Oh, you know what? It might because my phone doesn't like.

17:29
go dark and I have to press the button. And sometimes it's on for like an hour. No, eight hours and 26 minutes. I was not on there. I know that for a fact. My phone's been over there. Like literally, it's just every time your screen turns on, I think it counts. Cause if- I walked with grandma, I went to the store for coupons. And then I came home, we put the groceries away. So I came to the bus stop, went to the park and walked.

17:58
Then I went down to Glenwood. I was not on my phone then. Oh, I did listen to Spotify though, on that one. Then I came back and then cleaned up. Oh, then I went to the market, right? We went to the winter market. I was on my phone, the market at Tacog. Came back, started working on the car fire stuff. Can't believe we have to revisit that, the insurance stuff. And then Tina came over.

18:26
So I started talking to her and I'd pick him up. Those are hiccups by the way. Okay, we'll talk about that after. Any goals for this week? My goal is to cut mine in half. You know what? My screen time in half. My goal is to have a daily average of an hour and something. Okay. I don't wanna be. I like where I'm at.

18:49
You have finals, so it should go down a lot this week. But don't widen your eyes at me, ma'am. You had eight hours today. You're right. And I was definitely on my phone more than you. You should have. I don't know how that's possible. You should have, you have finals though. You should be a lot lower this week. Yeah, but. Okay, like where I'm at concerning. I think dad's fine in his own world. So one should. Yeah, dad doesn't have an eagle's.

19:16
Okay, that's all. And then my very last thing is tonight is a 15 minute cleanup ride for dinner. Yes. Excuse me. This has been sitting on this table for a week. Who possibly put that there? You possibly drink apple juice out of that and then kept it there for a week. My stuff.

19:44
I saw him. I took some out of the sink. I barely go to the sink on purpose. Yeah. Look it. This has been here too for a couple of days. One day. I used it yesterday. Back off. Back off, screen time lady. She said to me right away. This is yours because I know it's yours. So yeah. Why did you choose that one? I never used those times. Yes you do. No, this was dad's.

20:12
Yeah, the one that's been here so, so long. Still. She would have noticed that if she wasn't on her phone all the time. Ah, burn. Burn, burn. Do you have anything else for the Raymond dinner table? All right. So we are. Anna.

20:37
Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to listen to this week's episode. As you can tell, this episode was recorded just before the holidays. We really appreciate it. And if you could do us a favor and send this episode link to one person who you think might enjoy it, we would be so grateful. We'd also love to hear what your thoughts are, what you think, maybe what your dinnertime's look like and sound like, or...

21:06
what you do for family meetings. You can email me at lauren at dailyjoy.us, find me on Instagram, Lauren's Daily Joy, or Facebook, Lauren Goldman Raymond. Have a wonderful day. Did you enjoy your time with us today? If you did, please give us a review on Apple Podcast. Your review will make navigating joy together much more fun, and we would be truly grateful if you would share this with others who you know would gain value from our podcast.

21:35
Thank you again and we look forward to sharing our next episode with you in two weeks.

22:32
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