Finding Joy While Living With An Invisible Disability; With Michelle Steiner.

This week I chat with Michelle Steiner.  Michelle  lives with an invisible disability. She has articles published on The Mighty, Non-Verbal Learning Project, Dyscalculia Blog, The Reluctant Spoonie, Kalopina Collective, Imagine the World as One Magazine, and Word Gathering. Her photographs were featured in Word Gathering Independent and Work Ready. She works as a paraeducator in a school with students with disabilities. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two cats.

Michelle shares with her invisible disability, how it impacted her life growing up, and how she learned to find JOY while living with Dyscalculia.  She has used it to her advantage to find JOY within herself, her life, and works with others in helping them find JOY with any kind of barrier they may have.

She shares what makes her JOYFUL and how she taps into that daily all while passing it on to others.

How to connect with Michelle:

Website: https://www.mrsmichellesmission.com/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100013356902200

IG: https://www.instagram.com/steiner7250/

Lauren's Book, My Dad Died From ALS and How I Found Joy 30 Years Later
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B2J15M3Z

CONNECT WITH LAUREN AND HER FAMILY

Email: rebalancedbody@gmail.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/laurensdailyjoy/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/lauren.g.raymond

Transcript

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00:08
Hello and welcome to Navigating Joy Together. My name is Lauren and I'm here with my family. Mark. Addison. Hunter and our dog Onyx. Each episode you will hear about our experiences with navigating joy together in our family, as well as tips you can bring back to your family. Thanks for spending time with us. Now let's get to it.

00:44
and welcome back to Navigating Joy Together. I am so excited to share with you our guest, but before I do that, I just want to remind you about Drive-A-Log. Drive-A-Log is a phenomenal car game that you can use in your car when you are driving and chauffeuring your kids all over the place. There are three different age levels. They have amazing questions. Some are fun and some are serious questions, but it provides the opportunity for communication between you and your child.

01:14
It was created by Adam Brooks and it is a wonderful tool to have. We use it in our car, great questions, sometimes the kids ask the parents questions and it just creates some really fun communication. Plus you're asking your children some questions that you might not think to ask or that you want to ask but you're not sure how to bring it up. So I really highly suggest you grab it. You can get 20% discount if you go to the link in the show notes and put in the code

01:43
NJT for navigating joy together. Go get it. It's super fun and look forward to hearing what you think about it. Now on to our guest. Today's guest is Michelle Steiner. Michelle lives with an invisible disability. She has articles published on the mighty nonverbal learning project

02:12
Imagine the World as One Magazine and Word Gathering. Her photographs were featured in Word Gathering Independent and Work Ready. She works as a paraeducator in a school with students with disabilities. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two cats. I'm so excited for you to listen to this conversation. Such a different perspective. I've never interviewed anybody who has a disability and willing to share about it

02:42
She has incorporated joy into her life and it's so inspiring and what she's doing for other people who also have disabilities and teaching them how they can also live with joy is really, really powerful. So sit back and enjoy this conversation with Michelle.

03:00
All right, let's get to it. Well, hi, Michelle. I am so glad that you are here this evening and you're willing to share about your experience with joy with us on Navigating Joy Together. So thank you so much for being here. For having me, Lauren. I'm certainly excited about this. Good, me too. I love having these conversations with people because there's so many different ways to live joyfully and bring joy into one's life. So the more ideas people have, the better, right?

03:29
Exactly. Why don't we get started and why don't you tell us just a little bit about yourself? Well my name is Michelle Steiner. I live in Pennsylvania with my husband Ron and our two cats Jack and Sparrow and I'm a para educator in a school with students who have disabilities and some who just need a little extra support and I'm also a disability writer, speaker, photographer and I have a blog called Michelle's Mission where I write about my life with a learning disability and feature my photography.

03:59
That's fantastic. You do a lot. Yes. Yes. Well, I'm a teacher. I'm an elementary school teacher. And so knowing that there's people like you in schools, I know is very appreciative to have in the schools. So children have that extra support. So thank you for all that you do in the schools. Well, really quickly, the photography, do you just do, I've always had an interest in photography. Do you just do photography of anything or do you have a specific focus?

04:25
I do a lot on nature and flowers. I'm not able to drive because of my disability. So if I don't have a ride to get somewhere, I am able to take a picture. I have to walk, so sometimes I can take pictures of flowers and other things that I get to see. And I'll be in the car with my husband and I'll say, did you see that? And he's like, no, I'm focused on the road, but I get that chance to see those things.

04:50
And later I get a chance to take a picture of it and I put them on my blog. I have journals and prints and other things as well with them on it. Yeah, I saw some of those pictures. I didn't realize you took those. They are beautiful. Thank you so much. Yes. Well, would you mind sharing a little bit about your disability and maybe how that's impacted your life? I'm assuming there was a time in your life where there wasn't a lot of joy and maybe that impact that you had and how and just everything that happened, I guess.

05:20
I have dyscalculia, which is a math learning disability. I have limited hand dexterity in both of my hands and visual perception issues that affects my eye-hand coordination, but it doesn't affect my eyes. Everything's in my brain. And in the very beginning, I didn't have a whole lot of joy with having a disability. I was diagnosed whenever I was in kindergarten. My teacher saw that I was really struggling in the classroom.

05:46
And it was hard for me. I can remember struggling with dot to dot pages and tying my shoes and counting. And it was very challenging for me as a young child. And I can just remember thinking, oh, if I didn't have my disability, my life would be perfect. And I can just, I can remember feeling really frustrated and very discouraged. And I struggled not only academically, but socially. I went to a very small school district.

06:13
where if you were one of them, you fit in, but if you weren't, then you didn't. And everybody knew that I went to learning support. I couldn't blend in even when I was in regular A classes because I would have to have extended test time. And it got really hard for me, especially when I was a teenager. But one of the things that has brought me joy out of a lot of those situations is I learned to love reading and I've learned to love to write. And in fact,

06:41
My dad's found a story that I wrote whenever I was very young about a dinosaur. And he said, wow, this is really good. And when he told me that, I thought, oh my goodness, there's something I'm good at. And that brought me a lot of happiness. And just doing a lot of that has brought me a lot of joy. I love that because that is a perfect example of.

07:05
finding a way not to focus on the negative and finding something that does bring you joy. And I think just as human beings, we often, it's just easy to focus on the bad things that are happening and the negativity versus finding the joy, which we want to focus on that and feel that, but it's just easier to do the opposite for some reason. And then we sit and wallow in our, you know, in our negative feelings and so forth. And I'm not saying it's not important to feel that by any means, but that is really incredible that you

07:34
were able to make that realization. And so that's obviously why you write and you said you publish some things and so forth and you've incorporated that into your life now. Yes, I definitely have. Because I can remember I joined a writing group whenever I was a teenager, a late teenager. I wrote for a newsletter. I was really struggling. The bullying really increased. And I found some teenagers that were in a group that

08:00
were just a school district away from mine and I was able to shed that reputation. And once that group stopped meeting, I also found an adult writing group. And in that adult writing group, I found my people. I can remember that they got to see me grow as a writer and a person. And 20 some years later, we still meet every Saturday to talk about our writing. I mean, every once a month to talk about our writing.

08:29
and we also are in each other's lives with weddings and birthday parties and just life in general. And I can't remember I had a friend that really encouraged me to write about having a learning disability and I thought oh no that's too personal I don't want to write about that just yet and I think I wrote some bad poetry and some other things but when I finally took her advice and I wrote a story my first one that got published about my struggle with limited hand

08:59
That changed my life. I can remember I felt so happy when I got that published and I had a really positive outcome with that. A lot of people were saying, well, that's my story. And that just encouraged me to write more and to get more things published and to go out to other sources and also to start my own blog. And none of that would have happened if I didn't have the disability and also the love for writing. Right.

09:26
I feel like people often think that when something's happening with them or to them, they do think it's so personal, nobody wants to share it. And I really believe that there's a power in sharing that, right? Like you said, it just opened up so many doors and it's like all the stuff started blooming and all these different avenues created. And do you remember just like that internal feeling maybe you felt after that happened?

09:54
probably a lot of internal joy that took place. There was so much joy, because that was always a lifetime dream of mine to get published. And I can just remember the happiness that I could do this. And I had just seeing that, first of all, seeing the email that, oh, we're publishing your story. I was like, wow. And then just seeing it getting published and just being able to help other people, that was just one of the most joyous things that ever happened. Yeah.

10:23
doing that for other people. That's so great. What would you say just to somebody who, or to the people out there listening who are keeping those things personal, regardless of what it is, like, would you, what would you say to them to maybe encourage them to share it? And it could be just with one person, but maybe why and how to share it and what would be the benefit? There's a lot of different ways to express that. And I think maybe it's important to first of all, go and talk.

10:50
start with somebody that you trust that you can talk to, that you know is not going to judge you, and to be able to share that information with them and be able to talk about that and communicate it. There's also, if you're interested in with writing, there's a lot of disability literary magazines that focus around people with disabilities and their voices. The Mighty is also a great source for people who want to share things. But I think expression also comes in different forms too. Sometimes it might come in my photography as well.

11:20
And sometimes there's people, I'm definitely not this, but there's people that can do with music and there's people that can also do it with painting and art and acting. I definitely, I've enjoyed acting in plays before and doing things like that. And I think it is so healing for people and it empowers somebody when it's something that they love doing and they're really good at it too. And I just think that that just, it's so much more empowering for me.

11:48
to be able to do that. And there's a lot of different ways with sharing our stories that we can do that. And I think I would really encourage somebody to do that in a safe way, because running away from it does not make your disability go away as much as a lot of people would like. It doesn't help. But if you talk about it and you find a way to express it and find some happiness with it, I just think it's so much better than just focusing on all the negative aspects of happiness.

12:17
Right, right. Agreed. Well said. Thank you for that. I read a couple of your blog posts and the math disability, I didn't realize what in life is hard for you. I mean, you can think of the normal things in math that have to do with math, but there's so many things that we don't think about, I think. And I thought that the...

12:43
And one interesting part was when you talked about the ruler and you look at a ruler and it's confusing and you don't really understand what it means because your brain can't process that. So you must have some frustrating moments still, right? And when you have those moments throughout your day, do you find yourself able to make a shift or to do something so you can alleviate that frustration and kind of get back to joy or how do you handle that and navigate it? Right. A lot of times.

13:12
I try to do things that I know that I can do. And that helps me to empower myself. I may not be able to read a ruler and I have to ask for help. Sometimes I can remember I had a student in an art class that was visually impaired and she needed help with her art project that involved a ruler. So I had to raise my hand and ask the teacher for help and say that I'm hopeless with a ruler. And luckily he was pretty understanding about that. But I mean, it can be good.

13:42
people don't often understand why that can be a challenge. But other things, I'm not able to read the face of a clock because of the disability. So I have my Fitbit, I have a digital watch. In the kitchen, I can't use a manual can opener, but I can use an electric one, and we have bottle openers and jar openers. And all those things help me to be independent and to be able to navigate some of those challenges that come up. I...

14:10
If I'm out in public and I need to do a tip, I just pull out my phone and I'm able to pull up an app for a tip calculator. And just doing those little things makes the difference for me. And I also have to speak up sometimes too. If I'm at my job, I cannot help my sixth grade students with math. And sometimes that can be difficult, especially if I get new staff to work with because a lot of people, they can't see the disability.

14:39
So they think, well, she obviously can do everything and I can't. So it sometimes, it forces me to have to advocate for myself and to educate people about them. I bet, I'm sure that's challenging to do, but it's probably liberating as well, I would think, in one hand. Exactly, it really is because I get the chance, especially when I work with my students, to show them that it's okay if you struggle with something.

15:08
Definitely do your best and to try, but not everybody can do everything. And I think it's also a good way to explain to other people because I have to because people can't see the disability. So they'll, they'll presume that I'm being lazy or I'm not focused, but it liberates you because you're able to speak up for what you need. And it's, it's also a right. I mean,

15:33
If there's certain things I can't do and that's okay. And I've made my peace with a lot of that stuff. And when I finally made that peace, that has definitely brought me a lot of joy as well. That is powerful. How have you made that peace? I mean, what do you feel? Because I think most people have not made peace with whatever negative situation or issues that are happening in their long-term and...

16:00
Gosh, that's like that first step, I think, is probably recognizing it and then learning how to make that peace. Then you can kind of get into that side of now bringing joy into your life. How did you do that or how do you do that? One of the first things that really helped me was getting my bachelor's degree because I had a lot of people that told me I could not go to college. I could not get my bachelor's degree once we figured that out. A psychiatrist told me that. I was told I was going to have limited job choices.

16:29
and people thought disability accommodations were cheating. So I had a really negative attitude. But when I finally had to move back in with my parents for financial reasons during the season, I thought I'm going to give university a try. And I found the right program that had the least amount of math and science possible and had disability accommodations. And I did so much better. I made Dean's List for a semester. And I was able to graduate with a bachelor's degree. And that is what brought me a lot of joy.

17:00
graduating from university certainly did not take my disability away, but I was able to achieve something that was really important to me. And I think that's the key thing. If people are in the right place with having the right services, the right accommodations, then people can just simply do their best. And I think we're happy when we're doing our best. I think we're happy when we're able to go to work and feel like we're making a difference.

17:29
I also think it's helpful if you're in school and you know you're in the right program and it can be challenging, but I just think people are at their best when they're able to use the gifts that they're given. And that always helps me to feel better. Well, congratulations for accomplishing all that. That's wonderful. I'm glad you didn't listen to any of those people who said those things. That's terrible that people even say that.

17:57
Okay, so you mentioned a little bit about how you already support others and teaching them how to bring joy or live joyfully with issues that might, you know, situations that might be happening or disabilities that they have. What else do you do as far as working with people? Do you work with people one on one? What are some other strategies or things you put in place with them or teach them? I know your writing is probably something, obviously, that...

18:27
is very supportive for people. But what else do you do? I get a chance sometimes to show my students how to advocate for themselves. A lot of times, it's like you're recording of myself in sixth grade or seventh when I worked last year with seventh graders. I hate my learning disability. I wish I didn't have an individual education plan. And I get that chance to go in and show them that, tell them it's not a bad thing to have a disability. And here's how we ask for help.

18:57
I have a lot of, I remember one year I had a student that really needed help on an assignment and she was afraid to ask for help. Our team was really great about coming in when they had a study hall and explaining things to them and she's like, well I'm afraid, I don't want to do this. So I said, well I'll go with you. And she went and she asked for help and she wasn't afraid to ask for help anymore. I had a student this year that was crying because he couldn't get the math.

19:27
And I wasn't very joyful in that moment too. I can remember looking up at the heavens and thinking, well, why am I here? I mean, I've told them I can't do math and they seem to be putting me in the place I don't wanna be. And somebody said the student was crying and I looked over and he's in tears. And I had the chance to go on eye level with him. And I said, I know how hard it is with math. I can't help you, but I want you to let me know when you're struggling and we'll get somebody here that can. And I took a couple tries.

19:56
but all of a sudden that kid wasn't crying anymore. He's asking for help, he's raising his hand. And that just to me shows, okay, I'm in the right place that I can do that. And just showing them how to advocate. Also sometimes it's telling them what resources are available. All of them are going to, we hope, will all graduate and they're going to go on to the real world and they're going to go, most of them are going to have that disability with them.

20:25
So I really want to give them the resources of finding accommodations, finding strategies that work. What resources are out there that can really help them to thrive beyond high school. That's so great. I'm sure that brought so much joy to you as well. You know, like we just seeing those changes and what anybody does, but those children are accomplishing just from your support and what you're teaching them.

20:54
I'm sure it just fills you up. So that's wonderful. And them too, because they're probably a lot happier knowing that they can, you know, do some of that, even if they're just advocating for themselves, that's going to get them a lot further. That's great. And then your published writings. Can you tell us a little bit more about those and maybe who they're for and how they, you feel like they have supported others? A lot of times I will publish things about life with a learning disability.

21:22
on other sources and also on my blog too, but I'm very real about what my experience has been like. I can't speak for everybody, but a lot of people have similar stories with having that. I've had people that have said, that's my story too. And I thought I was the only one that really struggled with that. But now you showed me that I wasn't alone and you gave me the verbiage to be able to do that. And I think...

21:51
whenever I hear that, that always makes me really happy. Not that somebody's going through something that's difficult, but that somebody doesn't feel alone, somebody feels connected, and they just get that perspective. And I think that has always been something that I've really loved. It's really interesting because I do feel like any struggle people have, they do feel like they're the only, they're so alone and they're the only ones, you know, going through that. And it's...

22:20
you know, you don't know who else is, but that's just a feeling I think we have. And so that's so wonderful that people are realizing that they're not, you know, based on what you are putting out there that is fantastic. But Michelle, this is also awesome. It just lights me up every time I have these conversations about what people do for themselves and others and helping others just overcome.

22:44
you know, the struggles and live more joyfully because we all want to live more joyfully. We have our one life, right? As far as we know. And we want to be happy. We want it to be a joyful, happy life. Time just slips away. It goes so fast. So that's wonderful. Could you tell people where they could find you if they want to read your blogs or look for some of your published writings or connect with you or even look at your photography?

23:13
Sure, you can find me at my blog mich Perfect, and that has everything on there. Yes, it's a very well done site and I've enjoyed reading it. So thank you for having it out there. Do you have one last thing you would like to leave the audience with? I would just love to encourage people that success doesn't always come in the package that you expect, but sometimes it comes in something even better. That's so beautiful.

23:41
And you just don't know what it is until you go out there and give it a shot. You are a perfect example of that. You have found it and I can tell that you are very happy. I can see it. It's amazing. You're very joyful. Well, thank you so much for being so open and honest about all of this and sharing this with everybody. I'm excited for other people to hear this and know that regardless of what you're going through, you're not alone.

24:10
It's finding out who you can connect with and share with. And some of those tips you gave to the audience will be very, very helpful. So thank you so much for your time. I'm very, very grateful. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. You have a good night. You too, bye bye. Well, I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Michelle. I learned so much from her and her perspective is very unique. And again,

24:40
just interviewing all these different people is so imperative to me because there's so many people dealing with so many things. Everybody's dealing with something in their lives and to hear their perspective and how they deal with it and how they continue to bring joy into their lives regardless of what's happening is really, really important. And I really want to get that message out to the audience. That's why we do this podcast. And I know sometimes

25:09
I have just the interviews going. The interviews are so important and I really hope that you're enjoying them. I know Michelle and I would love to hear what your thoughts were, what you took a value from this episode. You can email me at lauren at dailyjoy.us. You can find me on Instagram, Lauren's Daily Joy or Facebook, Lauren Goldman Raymond. If you want to connect with Michelle or take a look at her blog or photographs and all her other published writings.

25:36
I will have her link in the show notes as well. Well, I hope you have a beautiful, joyful day and I am outta here. Did you enjoy your time with us today? If you did, please give us a review on Apple Podcast. Your review will make navigating joy together much more fun and we would be truly grateful if you would share this with others who you know would gain value from our podcast. Thank you again and we look forward to sharing our next episode with you in two weeks.