Dinner Table Talk: Setting Up Our Summer for JOY

It is SUMMER!!!!  School is out, activities and sports are done, now it is time to play and relax!  How do we still make sure we read, limit screen time, not argue about the things that frustrate us, and use our time together to have FUN and create JOY? 

Mark came up with three questions for us to think about at the beginning of June.
1. What do we want to for reading this summer?
2. What does screen time look like?
3. What is it that makes you frustrated that creates nagging, being nit picky, and creates negative energy.

We thought about these questions for two days and then we discussed them at one of our family meeting table talks.

We all came up with goals.  Now that is is July 1st, it is time to revisit them. This episode shares our goals for each question and we reflect on our progress.

How do we alter our reading goals since NO ONE has read except Mom?
What will make it interesting?

How are we doing on our screen time and how can we adjust and get better?

Are we all following our agreements to eliminate the anger and frustration with the common problems that create JOY crushers?

This conversation is our normal table talk when we have our family discussions.  There is a lot of laughter as we figure out what our next steps are to navigate JOY together! 

Drive-A-Logue link: https://drivealogue.com/?sca_ref=4141865.xLTkWKLvJW Put NJT in the coupon box for a 20% discount!

Lauren's Book, My Dad Died From ALS and How I Found Joy 30 Years Later
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B2J15M3Z

CONNECT WITH LAUREN AND HER FAMILY

Email: lauren@dailyjoy.us
IG: https://www.instagram.com/laurensdailyjoy/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/lauren.g.raymond

Transcript

*AI Transcribed*
00:09
Hello and welcome to Navigating Joy Together. My name is Lauren and I'm here with my family. Mark. Addison. Hunter and our dog Onyx. Each episode you will hear about our experiences with Navigating Joy Together in our family as well as tips you can bring back to your family. Thanks for spending time with us. Now let's get to it!

00:44
I'm so glad you are joining us this week on our episode of Navigating Joy Together. I'm just going to give a little background information on this episode and why we are recording this conversation that we were having right after dinner the other night. At the very beginning of summer, I started to talk with my kids about reading and kind of what my expectations were for reading. And Mark decided to come around.

01:10
the other side and kind of do things a little bit differently. And he, I think, foresaw that we were on summer break and saw the potential conflicts and problems that we might have with each other, like me wanting to get these kids to read a little bit more since they had the time, wondering how much screen time we were going to be having every day and coming up with a plan for that and so forth. And so...

01:32
He came up with some questions that he wanted us all to think about. And you'll hear those questions when the episode starts. But I thought it was a great way for him to figure out how to set the summer up with success between all of us. And his main reason was he didn't want to come home to any kind of arguing about these common things that we typically argue with. Probably most families argue with each other about.

01:58
And so it was his way of really trying to set the summer up for success, coming up with a plan, and all of us holding each other accountable and ourselves accountable for what we needed to do to keep our summer more joyful and not have the arguments about screen time or cleaning up after yourself, picking up your stuff after you've used it and you're not using it anymore.

02:22
or reading, you know, and so forth. So we set up a plan at the very beginning of June of what we are going to do in reference to these four questions, which you will hear about in the episode. And it has been a great way to go into the summer, very different. And I so appreciate him for seeing the complications and the struggles and the conflicts that we could have had because it would have created a lot of joy crushing. And so far, that is where we're at with this episode. So I wanted to give you a little background on that.

02:51
And our goal for the summer is to have a joyful summer around these few topics that you'll hear about in this episode. So I hope that you gain some value out of that and this discussion that we have. This discussion is non-edited except for some of the extra noises that I took out. This is our normal kind of conversation that we typically have at dinner or after dinner. Hopefully you can hang through the whole conversation.

03:18
and you can kind of get a glimpse into what our conversations are generally really like overall for the most part when we have these kinds of conversations. We really laugh a lot and things sometimes get a little goofy. You also hear a bunch of background noise. Some of it I just couldn't get out as Hunter likes to move around a lot and fiddle. So I apologize, but hopefully you can hang in there and enjoy the episode.

03:42
Hi everybody, welcome to Navigating Joy Together. It is June 30th, right? Yeah, tomorrow is July 1st and we are doing a revisit slash reflection on something we started at the beginning of June, summer break. And so we're gonna do this recorded. I'm gonna give you a little backstory. So at the very beginning of the summer, I was talking about reading and

04:08
how we were gonna do some reading and what screen time was gonna look like, just some general stuff. And so Mark laid out these three questions and we had to think about them for a couple of days and then we came together and talked to them. The first one was, what do we wanna do for reading this summer? What does screen time look like? What are some things that kind of cause you to get like frustrated, angry, short with somebody in the household or everybody? And so we had to lay out all of our information. And so...

04:36
not going to revisit that conversation, but we're going to revisit and review where everybody's at since it's been a month. So let's start with the first one. How are we doing for reading this summer? Let's start with you, Hunter. I haven't read. Okay. Addison, how about you? I haven't read either.

05:00
Yeah.

05:04
Well, I'm almost finished with my third book. Nothing else! And Mark. Look at her column on the reading sheet. I know. Look at my reading sheet. I have things written on there. There's nothing that anybody else has called it. And Mark? How about you? And audiobooks were acceptable, by the way. I need someone to show me how to do that thing where we get the 15-point note. No excuses! Oh, so that'd be, Mark has not read anything either, so. Okay!

05:30
So our plan was that whoever... Is that how we're all doing here? We just wanna like... That was clear because you said you needed somebody to show you how to... Anyways, our plan was whoever read maybe the... I don't remember what it was, the most books or something we were gonna have... The most pages, I don't know. Or the most pages we were gonna have, like they were gonna win something. We never came up with what we were gonna win and I think that was the problem. I totally have a great answer. There was no motivation. So here's what I need to know from you.

05:58
We can either continue and put something into place or I can just tell you how many books you have to read in the next two months before school starts. What happens if you don't win that money? Then, I don't know, something. We're down bad. How about the prizes? For one day, the winner gets to spend as much of someone else's money as they can. I don't think so. How did she get outside? She's not outside, she's running. Dad is raising his hand. I'm gonna win.

06:28
I would like to do a weekend in Vegas. Please. I'll go too. There's these things called coin pushers, and you can win a lot of bank there. There's this thing where you get to see open corpse. Not open corpse. You can see it's called bodies. It's a bodies exhibit. Yeah. Bodies. I want to go because of that. You get to see people dead? Well, it's like not real. Well, it's totally real. They're not cadavers. Is there? Yeah, they are. We saw cadavers when we saw that. Yes. Oh.

06:57
They're real good people. I want to go. Anyways, so he's saying, basically what I'm hearing is he's coming up with something he wants to do for a weekend. I will go, I'll go to Vegas too. That means if you win. Yeah, can I gamble? How about coin fishers? This is taking over, people, this is not, this is not the purpose of this topic. You can make millions. Oh my gosh. Sorry. Lord help me. Wait, so if dad wins, he's going to Vegas. I could do like a weekend in Denver.

07:25
Oh, I know if I if I win You guys have to take me to elitches if that is my prize. I'm not kidding I will read every single day of this whole summer and make sure I go to They have some big roller coasters. What if everyone gets to pick something to get if they win?

07:54
Okay, so something that they want to do first you're saying that if you win you choose what you want to do Yeah, but you have to choose he wants Vegas. I want you to see I have to think Oh, oh my goodness, I like water world too, okay Yeah, okay. Oh, I I'm okay

08:15
And then... She probably wants to date Target. Yeah, I want to go to Target, Hawaii if I win. Anyways, real list for a weekend. I think I'll go for a weekend. Okay, I'll give you an answer by the end of this, I have to think. Okay, so then everyone has to write their prizes down on the paper and how many... Are we going by pages or what? Books. That's easier. No, because there's like pictures. You can read 20 picture books. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to count each page.

08:43
New

09:12
Second, everyone take their cell phones and open up their settings and look at their screen time. I don't want this. Oh no, I do. No. Yep, everyone look at their screen time. I'm done. This week, this past week, and if you, can you get to the week before? No. Hey, I'm not even lying, look. Where are we going to sit at? Let me see. Today, where are all the other days? It's Sunday. Okay, so look at mine. Mine says four hours and eight minutes on Sunday. Not, that's too much for me.

09:42
How do I get there? How come it doesn't show the rest of the week? It shows every Sunday. How do you find out the week before? Can you find out the week before? No. I'm one hour and 17 minutes daily. Yes you can. Scroll it. I'm down 46% from last week. Okay, scroll on the graph. Everyone go around and share last week's screen time by the way. What do you mean scroll on the graph?

10:12
So I'm scrolling where this shows like that. Go back two weeks. One, so go back to where it says Sunday, June 16th. The problem is it doesn't let me scroll. Oh, okay. I'll go first. Hold on, how do you do it? Go today. This won't go. Yeah, mine won't go. I'm gonna try it, but what does yours say? Anyway, mine, Sunday, June 16th, was three hours and 42 minutes. Okay, but look at the bars all the way across the week. So like mine.

10:40
June 16th was three hours and then Tuesday was six hours and 59 minutes. That's a lot. The Monday was four hours. Tuesday was five hours. Wednesday was two hours. Thursday was four hours. Friday was six hours. Saturday was three hours. Okay, go to Sunday, June 23rd. This was just last week.

11:04
I just want to tell you I kind of have a high one today because I was on social for a while. Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday was 3 hours and 38 minutes. Alright, but what is the whole, like if you look at my week, so if I look at my average for last week's is 5 hours and 7 minutes a day. That's a lot. Look at the 27. What was I doing? My last week's average was 4 hours and 48 minutes.

11:33
Mom, can I say something? Do you remember when we first started colonization we each had a certain amount of hours? Yeah. Can you read me what time was please? Addison said three to four hours. Three to four hours.

11:47
I said two to three, I'm way over. And I have three to four hours. I think I am doing great. Okay, so. Mom, on that day, you were on messages for three hours and 17 minutes, Facebook for 39 minutes, photos for 29 minutes, Gmail for 25 minutes, and calculator for 25 minutes, I mean 20 minutes, and camera for 20, 19 minutes, and LUV share for 16 minutes. Okay, I was texting a lot because my phone wasn't working too. So, real quick.

12:17
She'll like ride me like a ready girl. Hold on, I have to backtrack for our audience numbers here. We came up with goals for screen time and Addison had three to four hours a day. What did I say? That included movies and TV, so remember, this isn't including any of that. Well, I don't care about that. Mine was two to three hours, so I am aware of that. Dad was three hours, Hunter said freedom.

12:44
Freedom! Yeah, I think I have achieved my goal. No, I think I don't have to change. My goal is freedom. I have been freedom. Okay, but what is your average high? It's just a new week. I don't understand why yours doesn't. Okay.

13:02
Let me see it please. Yes. Excuse me. It's going up as we speak so that's just gonna be that three hours for 49 minutes. Okay that doesn't include video game. This is just phone time right? Yeah. I just would like to see that please. Can I tell you how much I had today? Yeah. I had three hours and 25 minutes but an hour of that was filmed with a camera and since I was a target I was filming my target experience so that didn't count.

13:28
I also had an hour of social because I was calling someone. So I have two hours actually. OK, dads, what was yours? I crossed it. Are you kidding me? This is so silly. I'm proud of you. Hey, I actually did have just two hours. June 9 to 16, one hour 54 minutes. Hey, that was your average. Nice. 16 and 23, two hour 21 average. What? 12.

13:57
Currently, Dad is the lowest out of all of us. I can't, I can't. Why do we all sound like that's such a shocker? Cause of it. I'm not shocked. I feel a little ganged up. No, can I finish my sentence? Starting tomorrow, I'm going to beat you. So, um, actually, taking, I have, it says I have 325 minutes. And out of 26 of that, it was camera, which I was filming.

14:22
And then the 30th minute was that with Spotify, which I listened to on the way to Glenwood and back. Okay. So, okay, no, some of it is that. So we have to take that into account. I agree. So, how we feel about where we're at, I need to do less because I don't like having that much. That's ridiculous for me. I probably will do a little less, but I'm still on the freedom trail. You're still on the freedom trail? Yes. That includes the video game up there and TV. Yes.

14:48
I feel like I'm doing good especially for what I set for my goal but I will

14:54
Good for you. Dad, are you staying with us? I'm feeling so proud of myself that I think I'm gonna take myself to Vegas as a little celebration. Okay. No, that was for books. This is different. Okay, here's our last question. What causes you to kind of get short and nitpicky? Addison, you said when people are in fights or arguments and that energy flows off of others, then you start to act like that.

15:23
I wrote mom being a raging meanie. I wrote that one. What? Oh my God. That's when I'm being a raging meanie. Okay. Do you feel like, how do you feel that's been going on this last month? Have we had much? And we've had family in town. So just think of our family together. Cause like some of this was hard because we had family in town. And so like you guys did some screen time here and there and blah, blah, blah. That was a little extra, but just like as our family.

15:53
How do you feel? Well, trying to recall like previous fights, I can't remember much. I think mainly the put me down was when you and Hunter had a fight. Oh, that's usually when she was going to tell me something. Because I'm around you guys all day. Dad was always working now. Okay. So, and I don't, I'm like, you've definitely had a couple fights, but I can't remember them.

16:11
So feel like if this puts you down or yeah, it definitely puts me down But do you feel like it's been better though? Like you said walking. I think we talked about walking away or Right. Yeah hunter. You said yours was always being told what to do like do this do this Yeah, put this way you gotta do this way and your goal was to start putting some of your stuff away without being told I actually have done that a little bit. You have done it a little bit. I agree. It has gotten better Is there any room for improvement?

16:40
Yes, yes it is. So there's still stuff that you can put away instead of leaving out without me asking you, right? Not right now, I'm looking pretty good. Well there is a life jacket that's on the floor in the mud room that can be put back in the camper. I don't know where I put that. The camper. You got it out of the chair. It's your life jacket. You brought it back, you can put it away. It was your ID from me, Brayden.

17:03
you will put it away. Okay, so yes, there has been a little bit of that. So good job. That can be improved. And I have I've been doing more one on one, like start with one thing. And then when you finish that, I'm trying to be a little more cognizant of saying one thing and when that's done, then say the other. Okay. How long a list do you leave kind of like stacked up and ready? Kind of a question. You know, that whole thing like I can't stand it anymore.

17:32
This is really long. OK, mine was people not putting stuff away.

17:40
And look at it, our house has been like this for three weeks and it's, yes, driving me completely insane. And I'm the same way. I have a lot of stuff out and it's not getting put away. I hope that that can get better. Oh, here's what we agreed on, Addison, or we all agreed on this and Daddy I think came up with this idea. After dinners, we would maybe like take a few minutes just to walk around the house almost like the 50 minute cleanup and put our stuff away. Have we done that yet? I'm not done yet.

18:10
And we haven't done that yet and again we had family in town so yeah, I think it was just distracting So I'd like that to start tonight. Oh, I cannot wait. That's a great idea Can we start tomorrow night start fresh and new after now now that is an interesting thing to bring up Hunter I because I I like you probably do not want to rush in and mismanage the time frame Incorrectly, you know, I could really make mistakes

18:40
Okay, so when it's your turn to clean up all the dishes tomorrow night since Monday night is Addison and Hunter night, then after we will have to do a quick round of the house to clean up. So we will start July 1st. You're going to watch out, she's controlling in late. I know what I'm talking about. And then dad said be aware of what energy is around me.

19:04
And then I can't remember what you were gonna do. Maybe take a break or what, I can't remember. Do you remember? I don't think he said anything. Why? Look at that look. What do you remember? I know exactly what that means. Okay, well share. There are some energies that I'm not finding to be very positive and productive in my world. And so when I see those energies coming,

19:35
I can use it to duck dodge and weave away from them. Okay, have you been doing that? Not as successfully as I want to. Okay, so I guess when I notice you duck dodge and weave away from me, I change my energy. I didn't really shake my energy. If you see me like go running in the backyard and I'm doing like a touch-dancing dance by myself. Okay, and then we had one more thing where I was running down, but remember I said I wanted some more.

20:01
I want us to do more things like in the evenings or things like that or like be a little bit more engaged in like we used to or go out and play.

20:11
I think we went and played Frisbee golf or something crazy. Yeah, which we did today, which was super fun. I'll go play real golf. I am going, but none of that's been really put into place. And again, with family in town, it's just hard to kind of do all that. But my goal is to have dinners ready earlier so we have more time to, I don't know, go on a family walk, go play a little badminton, take out a game, do some things like that that I think we used to do all the time and we don't do it as much. So I know. And actually it's 845.

20:41
we are sitting at the table from after dinner. Yes. You know, that's how late dinner is. So dinners are too late. So I think that's one thing, but that's what I would like to do.

20:54
Anyways, real quick before we finish off the reason, who knows the reason why dad actually put these questions out. Does anyone know? Screen time usually causes an argument. That's not joyful, right? Asking people to pick things up usually causes an argument. That's not joyful. Nagging people to read, that's not joyful. The energy, the negative energy and all that, that's not joyful. So I think these were good ways to try to set up our summer so our summer was not filled

21:24
of energy and we could navigate and enjoy our summer together and create more joy versus arguing about the things that we normally argue about. Yeah. Would you say yeah?

21:38
That sums it up. So this was our way of just trying to figure out a different way to handle our summer together now that we are off and we're going to be around each other and there's going to be a lot of free time and just to create some changes of some patterns we noticed were happening in our family for a while and consistently. And I think at the end of the summer we'll maybe pop back on to see how we are doing and how it went.

22:08
solutions to these four things that tend to be joy pressures. I hope you found something valuable out of this. This is something that can be put in place at any point, not just at the beginning of the summer. I would love to hear your thoughts and any value you took out of it or what you might put in place with your family. You can reach me at lauren at dailyjoy.us, Instagram, Lauren's Daily Joy or Facebook, Lauren Gorman Raymond. And we are

22:37
Did you enjoy your time with us today? If you did, please give us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your review will make navigating joy together much more fun and we would be truly grateful if you would share this with others who you know would gain value from our podcast. Thank you again and we look forward to sharing our next episode with you in two weeks.